(Noet: This poest iz Fanetisìezd WITTHOUT aaksents faur silaabik stres. If yu haav a prefrans reegording tekst witth aaksents aur witthout, pleez let me noe yaur tthingking vea eemail tu fanetiks@aol.com.)
Ekstreemle laung poest, sum 6,350 werds, witth 28 foetoez. I haad eenaurmas difikulte plaesing foetoez in hwut I reegordad aaz aproepreat plaesaz, aand did not realiez hwi it wuz so difikult until I chekt tha lengktth uv this diskushan in WerdPerfakt. I reefyuezd tu aad tu this blog until I haad fienaliezd this poest, hwich took a preeposterasle laung tiem. Thoez uv yu hu noe hou much maur thair iz tu aan H.T.M.L. fial thaan apeerz onskreen wil noe hwi it kaan taek a laung tiem tu fienaliez aan H.T.M.L. poest. I aulso diskuverd thaat I maed a tieping erer in naeming a foeto, "Blloomfest" for "Bloomfest", which I then kaareed oever intu 12 maur foetoez, aand hwich eenaurmasle komplikaetad deetermining hwich piks I haad aand haad not aulrede tthaut tu yuez in spisifik plaesaz. In ene kaes, I haav deesiedad thaat I must never agen — aafter wun maur laung poest, about the Ort Blok Porte held Dountown on Morch 19tth, mi diskushan uv hwich I aulrede stortad tu draaft, but aulso got stuk in beekauz uv its lengktth — tri tu poot tue much intu ene givan poest, but wil divied poests intu simpool, shaurt diskushanz eezeur tu deel witth. If a diskushan runz laungger thaan I intendad, I kaan stil simplifi tha proses bi yuezing foetoez in rijid kronalojikal aurder. That wil preevent kanfyuezhan aaz tu hwut I haav aand haav not yuezd.
I did get mieself toogther tu go tu this yeer'z Esaks Kounte Chere Blosam Festival'z "Bluemfest" on Aeprool 24tth. Tha graet preeponderans uv toodae'z foetoez or frum thaat dae, in Braanch Brook Pork aand in mi naeberhood beefaur I got underwae. I haav kaapshand eech foeto aaz tu hwich I felt tha subjekt wuz not self-evidant
I wuz deelaed, in geting underwae (bi aej-reelaetad weereenas) aand slietle further deelaed in geting out tu the eevent bi the faak thaat I haad porked tha kor up the drievwae aand beehiend tha hous, hwich haaz beekum aulmoest unavoidabool uv laet, beekauz tha tue kamoedeas spaesaz (aur tthre kroudad spaesaz) aat tha kurb riet in frunt uv mi hous haav aurdinerile bin taekan. Hwi iz thaat? Or thair maur peepool on mi blok thaan thair yuezd tu be? It haaz seemd tu me thaat thair or FYUAR peepool on this blok, due tu aan elavaetad raet uv vaekanse in its singgool-faamile, separat houzaz, praduest bi tha Graet Reeseshan. But if thair reele or maur peepool, I sapoez thaat iz good nuez, eevan if it duz kauz me porking problamz. It miet meen thaat maur peepool or glaad tu look faur houzaz witthin tha Site Limits uv N.J.'z moest popyoolas, aand moest impaurtant, myuenisipaalite.
+
Thair or lots aand lots uv yuenits faur housqhunters tu chek, inklueding tunz uv vaekant houzaz kreaetad bi faurkloezhurz aand simpool abaandanmant uv houzaz thaat werking- aand midool-klaas peepool kood no laungger afaurd beekauz uv laung-term unemploimant praduest bi tha Reepublikanz' Graet Reeseshan, hwich Demakraats haav bin unaebool tu undu entiurle, beekauz Reepublikanz' insaen, doktrinair — raesist? — opazishan tu evreetthing Prezidant Oeboma haaz tried tu du.
Wuns I got tu tha street I lookt tu se if the azailyaz flaangking tha stairwae uv a hous tue daurz up tha blok wer aat peek bluem. Thae seemd tu be, so I took a pikchur. Mi oen azailyaz did not du wel this yeer. Wun haad definitle died, probable frum tha straen uv tue siveer winterz in a ro, beefaur this just-paast, relativle miald winter. The uther fiev(?) did not preezent a good displae, so I didan't taek piks.
Oelder houzing haaz its chormz, inklueding taul treez aand uther wel-estaablisht plaantingz. But oeld houzaz kaan aulso entail oeld problamz, such aaz seereasle underpouard eelektrikal sistamz. Mi hous, faur instans, wuz bilt in 1930, hwen not much raan on eelektrisite, so wun aur tue outlats per rum wuz eenuf.
Abuv apeerz a vyu uv mi hous, beetween vere lorj treez klaad in proefyues Ingglish ieve, hwich iz green yeer-round.
Mi hous wuz porshale renavaetad sumtiem in tha 1950z, hwich renavaeshan mae haav seen a fyu maur eelektrikal outlats instauld. But thair or stil nutthing liek eenuf outlats in tha riet plaesaz, uv hi-eenuf kapaasite aand on eenuf difrant serkits, tu run aul the eelektrikal diviesaz a modern hoem reekwiurz. Tha reezult iz thaat I haav ekstenshan kaurdz aul oever tha plaes, hwich preezents a triping haazard. It iz vere impaurtant thaat oeld peepool not trip, beekauz thae miet not be aebool tu preevent a faul, aand a faul kaan be seereas. Mi oen reefleksaz or vere good (a braen fungkshan, aand I haav bin blest witth aan eksalant braen aand its ekstenshanz), but aul thaat iz uv litool yues if hwen I tri tu kaach mieself, thair'z nutthing witthin reech. Wuns I am on tha flaur, horizontal, I kaan rest a minit aur tue beefaur I stort the orjuas proses uv pazishaning mieself so I kaan get up. I yuezd tu feer fauling tu tha flaur, tthingking I miet not be aebool tu get up agen, beekauz uv baad neez, dispiet tthre surjereez — tthingk about thaat obnokshas but memarabool kamershal'z kaachlien, "Help! I'v faulan aand I kaan't get up!, — until I aakchuale DID faul, aand found that, yes, I KOOD get up. Thaat iz hwut paasaz faur a fizikal triumf faur aan oeld persan.
+
In adishan tu a lorj stok uv oelder houzing, a hoest uv nu tounhouzaz, moestle uv tha wuns hyuejle popyoolar "Bae(y)oen boks" tiep, sum uv hwich haav bin bilt on mi vere laung blok (oever 1,000' [feet] frum Silver Street doun tu 18tth Aavanyu), aand aportmant haav bin aand kantinyu tu be kreaetad in plaesaz liek tha sueperblok around tha Nuark ShopRiet (aur, aaz seemz tha preferans uv its oeners, "ShopRiet uv Nuark"). Thaat byuetifool staur aangkerz a houzing divelapmant aand auferz a terifik aadvaantaj oever uther nu aportmants, a vere kwik trip on foot in aul kiendz uv wethur, tu a maejer suepermorkat. Tenants need not kleer a drievwae uv sno aand ies, naur wure about roed haazardz aur spending mune on gaasaleen just tu keep fued in tha hous. I doen't noe if aul thoez nu houzing yuenits or mokat-raet aportmants aur if sum or leegale-deefiend "afaurdabool" rentals aand utherz fre-morkat kondoez aur tounhouzaz faur sail. Sum aireaz uv tha ShopRiet sueperblok houzing kompleks look aaz tho thae miet aakchuale kampriez tounhouzaz, tthre aur eevan faur staureez taul. I asuem thaat hwether theez houzing yuenits or rental flaats aur tounhouzaz witth internal stairwaez, tu uper flaurz, thae wil haav aul the eelektrisite thaat modern Amairikanz need faur thair komplikaetad lievz.
Klautth baaner just auf tha Welkam Senter'z porking lot, aand sien pointing tu childran'z airea.
(Thair iz a websiet faur aat leest port uv thaat sueperblok's rezidansaz, 24 Joenz Street, hwich websiet iz abizmale stuepidle kanseevd, witth tiny grae tiep thaat iz aulmoest imposibool tu reed eevan aat mi moniter'z rezalueshan, 800 × 600, the eezeast tu reed thaat iz jenrale availabool. Hwi iz evreebude in kampyueter graafiks toodae aan ideat, aaz faur instans in kreaeting websiets thaat or aulmoest unreedabool? Shoodan't a biznaz wont tu maek it sueper-eeze faur peepool tu reed thair mateerealz? Tha 24 Joenz Street websiet aulso shoez no werdz aaz tu hou tu get tu subpaejaz, but yuezaz the iekon uv tthre shaurt horizontal borz spaest out vertikale aaz tu faurm aulmoest a vizhual skwair, thaat we or aul nou sapoezd tu understand meenz "Menyu" aur "Adishanal Paejaz on This Siet". Hou klever, tu maek us ges hou tu get tu subpaejaz. A web diziener woodan't wont tu yuez a WERD aur, hevan faurfend, fiev werds, such as "Menyu" aur "Uther Paejaz on This Siet". No, thaat wood be aan impazishan apon tha reeder tu haav tu reed aaz much aaz a hoel fiev werds. Let's just preezent peepool witth a puzool aand se if thae kaan figyur it out. If thae kaan't, we doen't wont tu sel them eneetthing!)
+
Street Porking on Mi Blok. I wood preefer tu pork up tha drievwae on mi properte oenle in aadvaans uv streetsweeping on Munday (mi sied uv tha street) aand Tuezdae maurningz (tha for sied), aur hwen I haav heve groesereez tu unloed frum the kor. Thair or 16 steps up frum tha street aat tha frunt uv mi hous, but oenle tue DOUN frum tha baak yord uv mi sloeping properte, hwich kliemz a hil frum Smitth Street (hwich I understaand wuz wuns kauld "Hilsied" Aavanyu aur Street) tu Saandfard Aavanyu, the maen naurtth-soutth draag uv mi port uv toun, Vailsburg.
Bi tha tiem I got tu tha visinite uv tha Welkam Senter, a lot uv peepool wer wauking AWAE frum Bluemfest, aand aulmoest noebude wuz beehiend me wauking mi wae.
Saandfard morks thaa boundare beetween "Loeur Vailzburg" (eest uv Saandfard aand doun tha hil I menchand, hwich ekstendz tue bloks forther tu Stievasant Aavanyu) beefaur tthingz levool auf agen, aand Uper Vailzburg, hwich iz aakchuale levool, aat the top uv tha hil. Faurtuitasle, if thair or no porking spaesaz aat kurbsied, I du haav the opshan uv porking up mi oen drievwae aand beehiend tha hous.
+
In tha vere ferst staejaz uv mi housqhunt in laet 1999 aand oorle 2000, wel beefaur I oend a kor, I kreaetad a "drutherz" list — that iz, aan "if-I-haad-mi-drutherz" cheklist on mi kampyueter (hwich I kood print out tu kaare witth me) agenst hwich I kood eevaalyuaet tha properteez I vizitad. Hi amung mi drutherz wuz a drievwae, in the ekspektaeshan thaat suener aur laeter I wood akwiur a kor. I haad livd, aat tha stort uv housqhunting, aulmoest 35 yeerz in Manhaatan. Mi best frend in Manhaatan in tha laet 1960z, Gregare Fadaurak, hu wuz frum this jenral airea uv Nu Jerze, haad a kor in Manhaatan, but not a reezervd spaes in a porking garozh. I roed witth him on a kupool uv akaeshanz around aand around neerbi bloks tu keep him kumpane aand kanvers about topiks uv myuechual intrast thaat we miet not utherwiez haav deevoetad just tu konversaeshan, duering tha vere laung tiem (perhaps aan ouar) it took tu fiend a porking spot on the Uper West Sied (mid-80z on Riversied Driev). Then I wuz givan, bi mi paarants, yues uv mi oen kor faur a kupool uv weeks (hwen I wuz living on West 84tth Street beetween West End aand Riversied), aand ekspeereanst tha saem kraezeenas, so beekaem aadamant thaat if ever I wer tu bie a hous, I wood never go tthru thaat agen. Thair haav bin tiemz, sins I muevd tu Nuark, thaat I haad haad tu pork sum 200 feet frum tha baes uv mi frunt stairwae if I did not wont tu taek mi kor up tha drievwae. But I haav aaulwaez haad the opshan uv porking up beehiend mi hous if tha kloesast porking space on tha street wer forther thaan I kaird tu wauk.
+
I muevd tu Nuark in Juen 2000 but did not get a kor until mi muther'z untiemle detth in 2003 (aat aej 90 — but yes, it wuz stil untiemle beekauz uv a groeteskle stuepid medikal mistaek aat Rivervyu Hospital in Red Baangk (Monmatth Kounte), hwen sum ideat yung dokter deesiedad tu lisan tu her hort aaz tu fibrilaeshan bi loeuring a lisaning divies doun her isofagas, hwich ript a hoel in her chest thaat reezultad in sepsis aand detth witthin a fyu daez thairaafter. Naashanal meedea haav reepaurtad that medikal mistaeks or tha ttherd moest koman kauz uv detth in the Yoonietad Staets. Doen't I noe it.
+
I wood uv kaus haav bin much haapeur tu bie mi oen kor, hwenever I kood afaurd tu du so, if it took yeerz. Mi oenle kumfart aaz reegords thaat teribool tiem, hwen tha hoel faamile reeyuenietd in Red Baangk (a terifik kamyuenite neer ouar faamile hoem in tha River Ploza sekshan uv Midooltoun Tounship, tu tha west uv Red Baangk akraus tha Naevasingk (pranounst náe.va.sìngk) River) iz thaat I wuz vere sertan, hwen I inheritad her spaurte kor in 2003, thaat she wood haav wontad me tu haav it.
Tu this dae, I driev mi muther'z (faurmer) kor, aand du not esp. look faurwerd tu biing a nu kor, tho vaareas tthings haav gaun seereasle raung witth herz. It iz, aafter aul, a 1992 Jeo Staurm, aand eevan tha best kor — aand tha Jeo Staurm, manyoofaakchurd bi Japaan'z Isuezu kumpane, iz definitle wun uv tha best — kaan be ekspektad tu divelap problamz aafter 24 yeerz. Tha kor iz aulso vere lo tu tha ground, faur being uv a spaurts-kor dizien, witth tha reezult thaat aat niet I aam endlasle asaild bi tha glair uv hedliets frum boetth onkuming aand foloeing korz, aand esp. SYV'z aand uther aul-tue-nuemeras truks on toodae'z roedz. It seemz a ttherd aur faurtth uv aul veikoolz on tha roed toodae or truks aaz such aur truks bi anuther naem (SYV, krausoever, hwutever).
+
I haav in faakt tthaut hwether I wood dispoez uv mi muther'z kor if I wer faur instans, tu win tha lotere (tu kwoet kameedeeyen Juede Tenueta, "Yai, thaat kood haapan."), aur hoeld on tu it, in mi baakyord. I ges I wood, grujingle, dispoez uv it, tu reesponsibly reesiekool its metal, glaas, etc. But I shuer wood haet tu du so. Mi muther wuz aan ekstraurdinere wooman, not so much faur hwut she did but faur hwut she wuz.
Yu kaan se in theez tue foetoez uv mi muther, taekan hwen she wuz in her (laet?) 80'z, but esp. tha left wun, sumtthing uv the upbeet aand eevan plaefool naechur thaat she maentaend tu her preemachuer detth aat aej 90. Yu kaan eevan se a janetik difrans beetween mi muther aand me, in that she kood koorl her tung intu a tueb, hwich I kaanot du. I took boetth foetoez frum akraus tha ruem witth a telafoeto lenz, hwich I oend until it wuz stoelan hwen I livd in Manhaatan. Mi kurant kaamra duz not akomadaet interchaenjabool lenzaz.
Tho mi muther did werk in tha paed eekoname faur mene yeerz tu kantribyuet tu tha faamile'z fienaansaz — pravieding faur siks childran izan't eeze faur aurdinere peepool — she never haad a "kareer" in tha paed eekoname. We wer her kareer. Aand she wuz brilyant aat it, eevan tho she did emploi houskeeperz tu help hwen she wuz aat werk. We aul turnd out vere wel. I sapoez I kood sae, "Espeshale me", eksept that it wood be a seereas kontest — in uther peepool'z iez, aat leest — aaz tu hu uv us turnd out best. Mi brother Aalan haaz a P.h.D. in siekolaje, haaz taut in kolajaz, aand haad sevral books publisht, moest but not aul about poeker. Mi bruther Brian haaz a Maaster's digre in maatthamaatiks aand wuz until reetiurmant aulmoest literale a "rokat siantist", serving faur mene yeerz aaz aan enjineer faur aan airoespaes kumpane aand in NAASA'z spaes proegram. [Noet: boetth tha soundz uv the aakranim aand a speling uv tha inishalizam "NAASA" werk out tha saem: Nashanal Airanautiks aand Spaes Administraeshan.] Mi oelder sister haaz werkt faur yeerz, aand kantinyuez tu werk, aat aej 73, faur tha Boiz & Goorlz Klubz (uv Laung Beech, Kaalofaurnya ). Aand mi yungger sisterm Treena, haaz werkt vere saksesfoole in bookingz faur the kruez segmant uv tha traavool indastre. Miend yu, nun uv them haaz chaenjd tha woorld, aaz I haav in aufering tha term "Gae Pried" aaz it haaz bin yuezd faur tha paast 46 yeerz. Aand I wuz aadmitad tu Hu's Hu in Amairika a kupool uv dekaedz ago, tho I doen't noe if I'm stil in it. In ene kaes, ouar paarants, wer thae stil living, kood be proud uv aul uv us.
+
Mi muther, tho plaenle intelijant, seemd never tu haav intalekchual intrasts. Yes, she red a lot, but not eneetthing vere seereas — maagazeenz, Reeder's Diejest Kandenst Books, aand such. Never did I tthingk tu aask about her intalekchual lief. Yu just didan't du thaat witth yaur paarants in thoez daez. I tthingk thaat paarant aand chiald mae aulwaez haav bin straenjerz. Maebe I'm raung, but tthingk baak. Hou wel du yu noe yaur paarants? Haav hu asuemdd yu noe them, but never aaskt eneetthing about thair intalekchual lief? Maebe yaur fother haaz red evreetthing publishd in loekal nuezpaepers about sians — evre tiep uv sians, frum miekroebiolaje (tha tieneast) tu astroname (tha hyuejast). Maebe yaur muther haaz (aur haad) tha saem intrasts aaz your fother. Aur maebe she iz (aur wuz) maur intrastad in peepool thaan miekroebz aur saleschal bodeez, aand foloez (aur foloed) intentle hwut kurant reeserch reeveelz about hwi peepool du, hwut thae du.
+
In ene kaes, tu stort mi trip tu this yeer'z Bluemfest, I waukt doun mi frunt steps tu tha siedwauk aand wuz heding tu mi drievwae tu wauk up aandd around baak uv tha hous tu hwair mi kor wuz porkt (cheking faur faulan braanchaz in tha drievwae aaz I waukt — aand thair haav bin mene faulan braanchaz uv siez this yeer), hwen I sau this astonishing siet: a gorbaj pial the entiur widtth uv tha hous in frunt uv hwich it apeerd, just wun fool hous'az widtth uv mi hous. It lookt aaz tho sumwun haad ript out a signifikant port uv the inardz uv thaat hous, perhaaps preparataure tu renavaeting it. I doen't noe, aand didan't haav tiem tu look tthru tha heep tu se hwut kiendz uv tthingz wer being diskordad aand if thair wuz eneetthing I miet maek yues uv.
This stuf — demalishan dibre? — wuz tha kiend uv tthing thaat wood aurdinerile be depozitad in a ptievat kumpane'z dumpster, aand not be pikt up bi Site Saanitaeshan until, in this naeberhood, tha sekand Wenzday uv tha muntth (if then), aand Aeprool 24tth wuz wel beeyond thaat daet. Hou laung wood it reemaen in plaes?
+
I took wun foeto uv thaat airea at 3:42 p.m., aand tha foetos shoen abuv uv the azailyaz in bluem just beeyond a smaul, fraem (woodan) aportmant hous ajoining mi hous tu tha naurtth, beefaur I haad tu rush tu get tu Braanch Brook Pork beefaur the end uv Bluemfest aat 5:00 a'klok.
+
Aaz I ekspektad, I koodan't fiend porking eneehwair neer tha Chere Blosam Welkam Senter, so poosht mi tripmeeter butan (so I kood se hou for I'd haav tu wauk wuns I did fiend a porking spaes) aat a point just beeyond tha baes uv tha hill doun frum tha Welkam Senter on Pork Drive, then droev anuther 4/10tths uv a mial beefaur I found a plaes aat tha kurb.
Divers kroud in vendarz airea, evreebude geting alaung faemasle witth evreebude els, in toodae'z lorjle poest-raeshal Nuark.
Alaung tha wae, I encounterd Leesa Konraad uv tha Nuark Print Shop wauking the uther wae, aand we stopt tu chaat a moemant. She wuz vere pregnant, so I aaskt hwen tha baebe wuz du: suen, around Mae 18tth, she sed. I kanqgraachoolaetad her on her graet good faurchoon. I wunder if she wil bring tha baebe tu werk witth her aat N.P.S., aan ortistik spaes uv hwich she iz a prinsipool. I'm shuer a lot uv us wood luv tu se him aur her. Baebe peepool or aulmoest aaz kyuet aaz kitanz aand pupeez, doen't yu tthingk? I then bid her adyu aand kantinyued tu wauk tu tha Welkam Senter. It wuz bi then around 4:30 p.m., aand kroudz wer streeming awae frum the Chere Blosam Senter on tha paatth alaung wun sied uv Pork Driev..
Eevan beefaur I got tu tha paatth up tu tha Welkam Senter, I sau this faamile gruep poezing bi aand on a machuer chere tre. Machuer treez in B.B.Pk. or vere straung, aand mene viziterz poez thair childran siting on sturde maejer limz, aaz witth tha gruep abuv, uv hwut apeer tu be peepool frum the Indean Subkontinant. Chere-blosam tiem iz the oenle tiem thaat lorj numberz uv peepool frum ene port uv Aezha seem eevan tu vizit Nuark, much les liv heer. Tue baad, beekauz Nuark iz a graet plaes tu liv, aand tha bulk uv Nuarkerz welkam evreewun. Thair or, I aadmit, sum blaak laung-tiem Nuarkerz hu feer thaat aan influks uv non-blaaks wil jentrifi thair naeberhoodz, driev up hous priesaz, aand displaes blaaks tu maek ruem faur hwiets, Aureeyentalz, Indo-Paak faamileez, ets. Thaat haaz not, tu daet, bin a maejer problam in Nuark. Aand I hoep it never wil be.
Thair wuz aan airea on tha lorj laun neer tha Welkam Senter in hwich inflaetabool amyuezmants wer set up aand kept inflaetad bi faanz runing konstantle.
This is the airea in hwich mi faevarit feechur uv tha vaareas Bluemfests I haav seen, a porshale inflaetad hot-air baluen on its sied intu hwich viziterz kood wauk, wuz wuns displaed. I'd haav liekt tu venchur insied thaat agen, but eech yeer'z Bluemfest iz diferant, aand thaat wuz not on aufer this yeer. It wood be graet if sumdae hot-air baluen RIEDZ frum Braanch Brook Pork oever tha Laek, its vaareas fountanz, tha Kattheedral Basilika uv tha Saekrad Hort, aand onward oever Nuark's terifik Dountoun laandmorks (deepending apon wind paaternz) kood be auferd. I miet eevan poene up tha kaash faur thaat! I kood liv on roman nuedoolz, witth tuena, sordeenz, aanchoeveez, sliest egz, aur maebe tthin sliesaz uv paurk aur chikan (I'm not big on beef, givan tha kurant (kraape) staet uv mi teetth aand the eksesivle hi pries uv beef) faur a kupool uv weeks thairaafter.
+
This nekst foeto shoez tha kair witth hwich tha plaanerz uv tha Pork choez tha tre shaeps tu plaes witthin siet uv eech uther, aand uv the vaareas oepan spaesaz, such aaz tha graand launz on hwich yu kaan se faamile grueps pikniking. This airea iz elavaetad much abuv Pork Driev, so tha ground probable staez reezanable dri, aaz wood soek blaangkats plaest apon tha graas.
This foeto shoez a VERE taul jentoolman — aur wuz he on stilts? Probable tha laater. Nuark naetiv Shakeel O'Neel
iz taul, but not thaat taul.
Heer iz a kloeser vyu. Wer neerbi kidz deelietad aur afrietad ['affrighted"]? I ges I'd haav noen, aat this kid'z aej, thaat tha maan touwering abuv wuz not reele thaat taul, aand haav enjoid tha weerd spektakool uv a maan on stilts kloes aat haand. I wood, houwever, probable haav wereed about hwut wood haapan tu him if he stumboold aand fel frum thaat hiet, aand wunder hou he got up to aand doun frum hiz stilts. I wunder thaat stil!
Perhaaps mi faevarit enkounter uv tha dae (no disreespekt tu Leesa Konraad, but I'v seen her mene tiemz, hither aand yon), wuz witth this wooman'z tue lorj, kularfool paarats.
I doen't noe thaat I haad ever beefaur seen paarats this kloes up. Hwen I wuz a chiald in Paalisaedz Pork, I wuz deelietad bi sumtthing thaat haaz sins vaanisht frum ouar kulchur, faur hwutever reezan: a mungke werking faur kontribyueshanz frum tha kroud thaat aan aurgan griender kood gaather. Wunderfool. I doen't tthingk tha mungkeez wer ever hormd, but "aanimal-riets" aajitaeterz toodae or maur doktrinair thaan praagmaatik. Kaes in point, tha distrukshan uv wun uv tha publik's faevarit spektakoolz, traend elafants in tha serkas — aaz tho abyuesaz kood not be unkuverd aand karektad bi siveer penalteez tu abyuezerz. In Indea, such elafants or yuezd faur heve lifting aand uther servisaz tu hyueman sasiate, witth no horm tu the elafants. But Indea duzan't haav P.E.T.A. luenz tu deel witth. Aur did aurgan grienderz go out uv egzistans beekauz uv tha peepool maur thaan tha mungkeez, aaz oeld mungke-maasters died auf, aand thair childran did not kair tu kaare on tha faamile tradishan? I doen't noe. In ene kaes, we wer maur in tuch witth aanimalz uv mene kiendz hwen I wuz a chiald (tha laet-1940'z tthru mid-1950'z), but not aulwaez in a good wae.
On Morch 6tth, 2007, I diskust heer a feechur frum "the oeldan daez" thaat I'd haav bin haape tu leev beehiend, a boocher shop in hwich liev aanimalz or slauterd on-deemand hwial kustamerz waet. Tha wun in Paalisaedz Pork apauld me hwen I was a smaul child in the oorle 1950's. But hwen I diskuverd in 2007 thaat thair wer (or?) stil such plaesaz, inklueding aat leest wun in neer Naurtth Nuark aand wun in Bluemfeeld, I wuz disgustad. Tha foetoez frum mi diskushan in 2007 haav vaanished frum the Internet due tu AOL'z deeleeting evreewun'z onlien-stauraj aireaz, but I reetaend tha foetoez on mi hord driev. Heer iz a foeto uv tha frunt uv thaat "matadero" [pranounst mòt.a.thái.rro] shop, Spaanish faur slauterhous. A haandsam myueral aat tha top uv tha fasod disgiezaz tha naaste werk witthin.
Heer, in tha neer Naurtth Waurd, smaul aanimalz, inklueding raabits, kwailz, pijanz, duks, aand turkeez maur thaan just chikanz, ruesterz, aand gine foual (the Ingglish naemz uv the aanimalz menchand on tha plaet-glaas windoez in tha foeto beelo) or (aur aat leest wer in Februewere 2007) kild, on deemaand, in a boocher shop in Nuark. Monstras. Sweet litool Hispaanik houswievz go tu this shop, pik out the aanimalz thae wont tu eet — pikchur a spektakool in a glaadeataureal kontest in aenchant Roem, pointing tu wun indivijual, aand turning tthumz-doun — aand aurder them kild on tha spot. I noe we or omnivaurz, aand peepool in tha rich kuntreez or priemerile kornivaurz, but this iz maur thaan a bit tue much faur me. The unflinching amung us ("borbaireanz" aur "saavajaz" tu me aand probable tu moest uv yu) mae akyuez peepool liek me uv hipokrise — we'r perfaktle kantent tu eet aanimalz, aaz laung aaz sumwun els kilz them, out uv siet. We doen't wont tu asuem ene persanal reesponsibilite, much les heer aur eevan se tha slauter. But I'd raather not haav tha detth uv a bune raabit on mi konchans. Indeed, I haav NEVER eetan raabit, aur venisan, fezant, aur a wied raenj uv uther aanimalz thaat sum peepool treet kaazhuale aaz fued. I in faakt stopt eeting veel dekaedz ago, aand laam, eksept faur the airea thaat miet be reegordad aaz a waest bieprodukt, brest uv laam. I feel thaat aanimalz shood get tu LIV beefaur we kil them. I wood aakchuale liek tu tri mutan (tha meet uv adult sheep), tu se if it haaz eneetthing liek tha graet flaever uv laam, but haav bin unaebool, tu daet, tu fiend a singgool staur eneehwair neer me thaat selz mutan. Goet, yes. Mutan, no.
A komparabool reevulshan akerd reesantle hwen a webkaam on a bauld eegoolz' nest kaapchurd a paarant (tha fother? hou wood thae noe?, sins mail aand feemail uv thaat speesheez look aliek) braut hoem not a fish naur rat but a KAAT tu feed its yung. Tho sum siantifik abzerverz tthaut tha kaat miet haav died beefaur being taekan auf tu feed the eeglats, we kaan't reele noe wun wae aur anuther. Naechur iz a monster, I'm afraed, aand the ekspreshan "Muther Naechur" shood be baanisht frum the Ingglish laanggwaj faurever, unles we envizhan thaat muther aaz Medea, in hwich kaes the ekspreshan shood be reeviezd tu "Monster Naechur".
+
Vaareas foetoez beelo sho tha vendorz' airea. Fued uv sevral tieps (tho not grild buneez), juelre, kloething, plaants, insens, perfyuemed oialz, aand vaareas uther tthingz wer on aufer. Tha pavilyan shoen beelo houzd faes-paenting (faur childran, I worant).
Faur aanimalz, inklueding tha hyueman aanimal, tu liv iz tu kil. Thair'z no geting around it. We, frum tha tieneast jeleefish tu tha moest eenaurmas hwail aand evre aanimal in beetween, must kil, aat leest plaants, tu liv. Primitiv peepool — aand reemember thaat "primitiv" meenz "ferst", aand thus aulso "faurmoest" — delt direktle witth tha detth uv the aanimalz thae aet, aand sumtiemz reeveerd tha speerit uv such aanimalz seramoeneale. We uv the aadvaanst woorld or a fyu steps beeyond, aur reemuevd frum, thaat ferst reelaeshanship witth tha detth uv aanimalz, aand peepool hu or not just kumfartabool witth kiling aanimalz but aakchuale enjoi seing it, in bludlust, or reegordad aaz daenjerasle deeraenjd. Sasiate iz nou inkliend tu se aan intimat kanekshan beetween tha detth uv (nonhyueman) aanimalz aaz a preekurser, aaz in tha kaes uv, sae, Jefre Domer, tu siekotiks kiling peepool aaz tho thae wer just prae aanimalz. It's aan intrasting tthaut. Hwi wood aur shood we drau a distingkshan beetween uther aanimalz aand tha hyueman aanimal? Soeseolajists wuns tthaut thaat kaanibalizam wuz komanplaes, aand then thaat kaanibalizam wuz ekstreemle rair, aand kanektad not witth fued but witth reelijas richualizam aur baatool triumfalizam. I saspekt thaat the iedea thaat primitiv peepool reegorded peepool aaz just anuther fued saurs aroez frum aan "understaanding" thaat primitiv peepoolz eether kood not aur wood not drau a distingkshan beetween hyueman aand uther fued aanimalz.
Never miend thaat tha bulk uv lorj kornivaurz (lianz, tiegerz) seem tu abzerv hwut in hyueman beehaevyur iz kauld a "taabu" agenst kiling aand eeting wun'z oen kiend. In aakchuaalite, hyueman-on-hyueman kaanibalizam iz neether so koman aaz haaz aat vaareas tiemz bin tthaut naur aaz rair aaz we miet preefer tu tthingk
I haav wonderd vere for frum Braanch Brook Pork, I'm haape tu sae. Let uz nou reeturn tu Bluemfest 2016.
Tha foeto abuv, uv tha kroud in a port uv tha vendarz' airea, shoez in tha baakground wun uv tha fyu chere treez stil prominantle in bluem. I haad bin tu tha Pork sevral daez beefaur, aand tha blosamz seemd paast-peek eevan then. But I doen't noe if tha Braanch Brook Pork Alians'az websiet aur eevan the Esaks Kounte websiet praviedad giedans aaz tu hwether tha blosamz wer yet tu reech peek, aat peek, aur paast peek. I tthingk boetth siets mae need tu du a beter job in tha fyuechur. Uv kaurs, I miet just haav bin deralikt in cheking dilijantle. Let's sae I wuz, aand the Alians aand Kounte did a good job thaat I — aand thus, shuerle, mene uther indivijualz — did not keep in miend tu chek hwen tha maater wuz aat ishu. If thaat info wuz onlien but I aand mene uther peepool mist it, perhaaps tha Kounte aand Alians need tu drau atenchan tu thaat infarmaeshan sueper-prominantle nekst yeer aand beeyond.
Aaz I hedad baak tu mi kor aafter wun partikyoolarle aadamant feemail palees aufiser toeld venderz thae haad tu shut doun in thaat it wuz nou aafter 5 p.m. — aand egzaaktle hwut horm, [Maadam] Aufiser, wood haav bin dun tu publik aurder aand justis if tha Bluemfest venderz haad staed in operaeshan aaz laung aaz thair wer kustamerz? — I sau thaat the inflaetabool amyuezmants wer aulrede kalaapst.
+
I took the fotos of inflatable slides and such at 4:58pm, on my way to the vendors area in the Welcome Center parking lot. By 5:13, this iz hwut the inflaetaboolz' airea lookt liek. Yu kaan se, aat for left, hou smaul a rounded pakaj eech inflaetabool faurmed hwen deeflaetad aand roeld up. Prite amaezing, I tthaut.
Heer, yu kaan se a zuemd vyu uv inflaetaboolz not yet roeld up.
Bi 5:16, yu kood not tel thaat thair haad bin ene eevent in tha Pork, much les wun involving tenz uv tthouzandz uv viziterz, beekauz peepool did NOT stru gorbaj but wer koncheeyenchas in pooting it intu traash reeseptakoolz. I doen't noe thaat I haav ever bin prouder uv Nuarkers' reespekt faur thair pork.
I maed a tiene mistaek in mi chois uv paathz doun tu Pork Driev, so haad tu waulk perhaaps a kupool hundrad feet forther thaan I wood haav haad tu, haad I taekan tha riet paatth. But I need aul tha jentool eksersiez I kaan maanaj, so thaat ekstra kupool uv hundrad feet uv wauking servd me wel.
+
Vailzburg Rubish Pial Reemuevd. Aat 4:45 a.m., laung, laung aafter I reeturnd hoem frum Braanch Brook Pork, I hurd tha noiz uv a gorbaj truk (a prievat korter, I aam sertan, tho I kood not, in tha dork, se iedentifiing morkingz, oenle tha bulk uv a gorbaj truk aand its tailiets). Witthin perhaaps 15 minits, the entiur pial uv demalishan dibre tue daurz doun wuz gaun. 4:45 a.m. seemz aan od tiem tu kort rubish awae, but it wuz aul gaun beefaur Saanitaeshan palees kood ishu a tikit on Mundae, tha ferst biznaz dae aafter Bluemfest Sundae.
+
Tha laast foeto I aufer toodae, beelo, shoez wun uv tha vere fyu chere treez thaat seemd tu be aat fool peek hwen I vizitad. Byuetifool, no? We or vere luke tu liv in so byuetifool a site aaz Nuark YSA.
Mi frend Jo frum Belvil sed, perhaaps tue yeerz ago, thaat I lookt eemaesheaetad, thaat iz, seereasle unheltthe, aaz due tu storvaeshan. Mi oelder bruther Aalan, hu iz goeing on 80, sez thaat evreetthing he haaz herd about peepool geting oelder sagjests that lieter iz helttheur, aand, in kaesaz liek mien in hwich baad neez or aat ishu, it iz beter not tu haav much waet tu haav tu sapaurt.
