Probable Woen't Get tu N.P.S. Sho

Sno reemaenz in hwut shood be a porking spaes riet outsied mi hous.

I haad hoept tu be aebool tu driev tu tha Nuark Print Shop's oepaning reesepshan uv tha "Beeneetth tha Surfas" ort sho thaat wuz poestpoend frum laast Saaturdae tu tooniet. We or nou aulmoest aan entiur week paast laast Saaturdae's blizard, but, daspite daeliet temprachurz being abuv freezing, tha 28.1" uv sno thaat fel on Nuark haaz not kampleetle meltad. I wuz fienale, on Wenzdae niet, aebool, witth difikulte, tu get mi frunt daur oepan, but oenle beekauz I haad, sins laast yeer'z inundaeshanz, kept mi sno shuvool on tha frunt paurch riet alaunsied tha daur, so wuz aebool tu get it tthru tha daur, if just bairle, aafter kiking the metal paanal aat tha botam uv tha staurm daur aand then yuezing tha shuvool tu subvert tha snoepaak tu tha point hwair I kood paas tthru tha daurwae, then kleer a fair paurshan uv tha paurch, then aul 13 uv the stairz frum tha siedwauk tu tha paurch, then the entiur 55' uv siedwaulk on mi fruntaj. Mi siedwauk iz slaet, hwich haaz neerle maajikal kwoliteez uv melting snoez atop it. Tha drievwae, on tha suthern ej uv mi properte, iz blaaktop, houwever, aand I koodan't kleer thaat smuethle doun tu tha paevant, aaz I kood wun snoe-shuval'z widtth uv tha slaet waukway.
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I wuz strugling tu fiend the enerje tu persist taurd the end uv this snoe-kleering projekt, aand wunderd breefle if I wer risking a hort ataak. 71-yeer-oeld men hu haav a lorjle sedantere lietstial or aufan wel aaviezd not tu atempt such tthingz. Mi frend Jo frum Belvile sez thaat sum kidz (teenaejerz, I sapoez) in hiz naeberhood kum around tu aufer tu kleer awae sno faur a fe, but mi frend Jon Lauritsen in Baustan (hwich haad wel oever fiev FEET uv sno laast yeer) reemorkt tu me then thaat in hiz airea, kidz du NOT kum around. Naur du thae du so in mi airea. Hwi not?, I must wunder. Or kidz toodae les enterpriezing thaan thae wer hwen I numberd amung them? Or thae laezeur? Out uv shaep? Tue kumfterbool on thair alouans aur faast-fued jobs tu egzert themselvz mietile tu kleer sno? Hwut?
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In ene kaes, I haad deesiedad, aafter kairfool kansideraeshan priur tu tha blizard, not tu leev mi kor on tha street, beekauz I haad bin snoed in faur ekstendad peereadz laast yeer aand the yeer beefaur, aand sum inkansiderat naeberz haad piald sno not just riet u- agenst mi kor but eevan ontu tha ruef uv mi kor hwial it wuz imoebooliezd. (Se tha foetoez in mi poesst uv Februewere 17, 2014, "Maal-IES: Sno Wae tu Treet a Naeber".) Aand thair wuz aulwaez tha posibilite thaat I wood kleer a spot faur tha kor riet outsied mi hous, but if I left it tu go tu tha suepermarkat aur aan ort show, sumwun els wood taek tha spot I so orjusasle korvd outgo to the supermarket or an art show, someone else would take the spot I so arduously carved out in mi aabsans, aand I'd haav tu kleer auther kor-siezd spot. I tthaut it wiezer this tiem just tu leev tha kor up tha drievwae aand around a bend tu a spot beehiend mi hous until Naechur kleerd tha snow faur me. Thair wil be uther N.P.S. shoez, hwich I kaan atend witthout risking a hort ataak. (Aaz it iz, kleering mi paurch, stairz, aand siedwauk, witthout maur, reekwiurd tha lorjast port uv aan entiur kaalandar dae faur me tu reekueperate frum. I need a dae beetween bouts uv vigaras fizikal aaktivite: wun dae on, wun dae auf.
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Tha foeto aat tha top uv toodae'z poest shoez no foole kleerd spaes direktle in frunt uv mi hous aaz uv yesterdae aafternuen. Tiur traaks sho thaat aat leest wun kor wuz aebool tu pool in aand out witthout geting stuk, but I woodan't wont tu chaans thaat. I'd feel beter if thaat spot wer kleer uv sno doun tu paevmant.


Tha fieti auv shoez tha siedwauk aaz I kleerd it Wenzdae niet. Houwever, tha snoeplou aand naeberz' reemueving sno faur thair oen porking spots kreaetad a baareur sum faur feet hi kraus the outlat frum mi drievwae tu tha street. This foeto shoez thaat thaat baareur haad meltad doun bi perhaaps a foot bi Friedae..


Tha nekst foeto shoez thaat aaz uv laet aafternuen yesterdae, the entiur lengktth uv mi upward-sloeping drievwae, sum 80' tu tha point hwair I turn tu pork beehiend tha hous, wuz stil kuverd in sno. So tha leest I wood haav tu kleer tu get out iz tue tiur widtths, eech su 80 feet laung tu tha siedwauk, aand then hundradz uv poundz uv sno beetween tha siedwauk aand tha ploud traafik laen uv tha street. I kaan waet faur tha sun tu kleer tha wae. Aur aat leest moest uv tha wae.


Aat leest I kaan nou se moest uv mi kor, tha sun haaving reecht doun tthru tha poudere sno tu tha deep red paent uv tha kor aand waurmd thaat surfas tu melt tha sno oever tha ruef, tho tha hood iz stil fole kuverd beekauz tha lo aanggool uv tha sun ment thaat tha ruef blokt direkt sunliet tu tha hood moest uv tha dae.


Tha moest urjant uv mi kansernz wuz being aebool tu poot out on tha paurch sum dri fued faur the outdaur ("aale") kaats — tho thae doen't liek the Aale Kaat braand uv dri fued. I didan't haav tu poot out wuter faur tha kaats, in thaat Naechur haaz deepozitad eenaurmaus amounts uv pouderd wuter faur them. Nou if oenle tha neo-Proehibishanist Guvernmant uv Nu Jerze wood permit tha sail uv "Paalkahaul" (pouderd aalkahaul), I aand uther peepool hu get snoed in faur ekstendad peereadz woodan't be deenied ouar riet tu dringk aalkahaulik bevrajaz in a faurm thaat iz kanveenyant aand eeze tu kaare, eevan oever surfasaz kuverd in deep sno, oever iese siedwauks, aand up iese stairz. But this cuntre haaz laung haad a problam witth aalkahaul, aand laumaekers, inklueding the glutan Kris Kriste, hu wood shuerle fiet ene atempt tu baan pouderd aand utherwiez deehiedraetad fued, insist on plaeing naane tu aadults. I tthaut Kanservativz wer sapoezd tu apoezd tu apoez tha Naane Staet. If a blizard uv unekspektad intensity, liek this wun, drops so much sno thaat we kood not aantisipaet hou much buez tu stok up on, aand thus keeps us frum maeking a hot tode aur keeping ouarselves feeling toeste in winter's koeld, thaat's just ouar tuf luk. Intelijant aadults kood not posible noe hou tu folo direkshanz tu kreaet saef bevrajaz frum pouderd aalkahaul. No, Proehibishanists haav tu pratekt us frum ouar oen stuepidite. Bi kontraast, if we get aalkahaul in likwid faurm, enkloezd in heve glaas botoolz (aaz iz tha kaes witth Bakorde dork rum), we koodan't posible oeverdu it, kood we? The Lejislaechur aand Kriste'z staans maeks a lot uv sens, riet? Oh, no. It maeks no sens aat aul.